Early this
month, I had three events to go to: a wedding of a friend’s daughter, a
colleague’s dad’s funeral and a neighbour’s mother’s birthday celebration. The
first week of this month kind of sum up three major events in life : Getting
married, growing old and death.
They may invoke different sentiments and emotions,they are all celebrations of
different points of life. How we feel about these events is very much dependent
on our respective beliefs or
school of thoughts and of course our sentiments and state of mind.
Marina Wharf, Penang |
The wedding
ceremony was held on the beach. The wedding party was bestowed with sunny
weather and clear blue sky so for all who attended the ceremony and the
reception should count themselves
lucky to have weather that held since it had been raining cats and dogs for
days just before the wedding. In Malaysia, the weather is either hot and humid
or rainy or stormy. In the past month smog or haze had been our nemesis in this
part of the world. I cannot recall if this is usually so at this time of the
year. These days, the weather has become rather unpredictable. In his speech
during the reception, the father of the bride apologized for putting the
guests through the heat although he had tried to place more fans around the
beach hoping to provide some cooling effects. The father of bride was emotional
and it reminded me of the movie “ Father of the Bride” where Steve Martin acted
in. For some reasons, most fathers are protective dads to their daughters and
most girls are always their dads’ little girls. In recent years, getting
married at thirty two years old is becoming common but not two decades ago when
I got married at thirty-two. So if at all my late dad felt emotional, it must
have been the feeling of relief that he could finally give me away. I would
think of myself as ahead of my time rather than a late bloomer though I am indeed a late bloomer as in starting to take writing seriously or coming out
of cinderella complex etc. At times I might have felt misplaced with people of
my generation while I would fit in nicely with people a decade or two younger
than me. I reckon when we speak about eras, we think that we are referring to
specific age groups or people from certain period of time but some individuals
in these age groups may transpose or transcend beyond their eras; so maybe there is no time line in reality.
Rocamadur,France |
The birthday
celebration was a big bash where a neighbour diligently held for his mother who
was in her eighties. The age of the woman could be a little confusing as
Chinese believe that the digit
nine is a tricky one so when one is nearing the digit nine as in
sixty-nine or seventy-nine, one’s age would be stated as seventy or eighty. As
a result, the neighbour’s mother would prematurely age one or two years just to
get ahead of the record kept by the universe. I think a birthday is always a
good enough reason to celebrate regardless of whether one has reached a
milestone or attained any achievements. It is a day to mark that one has gained
another year of experience in life and it is an anniversary of one’s birth. I
view birthdays as an event which is important enough to call for a celebration
and I would not let them pass as another day. Whether or not we celebrate our
birthdays with friends or alone, we must try to do something memorable or a
least give ourselves a little treat.
As a rule, both
weddings and birthdays are happy occasions and funerals are not. At a funeral
,the atmosphere is somber and sad as the living mourn for their loss and think
about how they will miss the departed and how they will deal with the lacuna
left behind by the absence of the departed. A Chinese funeral usually includes
a wake, a burial and church
services or Buddhist or Taoist
rites depending on the faiths and religious beliefs of the respective families of
the departed. Friends, associates and relatives of the departed attend and pay respect to the latter
and condolences to the family. In the sequel to the Chinese movie “非诚勿扰” fei cheng wu rao (Do not disturb if not
sincere) a movie directed by Xiao Gang Feng, invites
were sent out by the protagonist
for a funeral party which turned out to be a farewell party for his best buddie
who was dying from melanoma. One can imagine what a
teary affair it is for all those who attend the party.
Ultimately, the family and loved ones of the departed will have to find the strength within themselves to
carry on and only time might heal the pain of losing the departed. Keeping
alive memories of the departed may not be the best way but so often we tend to
commit to our memory what we remember about all the things we had ever shared
with the departed. Human brains have a tendency to distort experiences and
events and so often we find ourselves reconstructing events of the past to the
extent of romanticizing the departed.
We are fully
aware that life is fragile and finite so nothing should matter yet everything
matters. We remind ourselves that everything changes and yet nothing ever
changes because it is often only a matter of perception and time and place.
However transitory our life is , we cannot help thinking, scheming and going about all our
undertakings diligently. While we ponder how transient our existence is , we resolve not to compulsively feel forlorn about our failings nor become too attached to the people
and all things we hold dear to . I
shall quote one of Andy Warhol ‘s muses : “ I never think that people die. They
just go to department stores.” How wonderful if it were true.
Bordeaux |