On New Year’s eve, as we waited
around the dinner table for the countdown to usher in the new year, we played
charade. Soon we got tired of the guessing game. Before we adjourned to the
courtyard to watch the display of fireworks, my younger daughter grabbed some
pieces of papers and scribbled something. I did not ask her what she had
written. It was to do with some New Year resolutions.
We often learn from our
children. Earlier in the afternoon, I made a terrible mistake by saying,“
You know what ? There can never be gender equality…” The outburst was made when
I became exasperated seeing that my younger daughter was trying to juggle her time to meet a
male friend who had trouble getting to their appointed place. Before I could
explain and elaborate, my daughters were appalled and the disgust look on my
younger daughter’s face made me feel rather ashamed of having uttered the
statement. I am not saying that there are things that are exactly the
male thing and the others are exactly
the female thing. Men and women have different attributes
and as women become increasingly self-sufficient so we can guard our
independence, we have to take care not to overdo things. I believe that due respect must be given to
both men and women equally but the concept of gender equality can be abused by
some men who are either misogynists or have been given preferential treatments
in the families they have been raised in or that there is a lack of role models
for them to act differently.
Traditionally, the patriarch of the family has been brought up to be the breadwinner and the one whose words must be obeyed whether by custom or religion hence they are somehow more aggressive, combative, predatory and goal oriented generally. Although women are now able to negotiate their roles at home and outside home, the domestic domain remains the primary responsibility of the women in general; consequently some working women find themselves having to constantly juggle their time between their work, their household duties and their extra-curricular activities . It is important that men and women must respect that we all possess different attributes, strengths and weaknesses regardless of our genders, and in a healthy and working relationship, we must have sufficient regard to every individual’s right to lead the life they want for themselves.
Traditionally, the patriarch of the family has been brought up to be the breadwinner and the one whose words must be obeyed whether by custom or religion hence they are somehow more aggressive, combative, predatory and goal oriented generally. Although women are now able to negotiate their roles at home and outside home, the domestic domain remains the primary responsibility of the women in general; consequently some working women find themselves having to constantly juggle their time between their work, their household duties and their extra-curricular activities . It is important that men and women must respect that we all possess different attributes, strengths and weaknesses regardless of our genders, and in a healthy and working relationship, we must have sufficient regard to every individual’s right to lead the life they want for themselves.
On the plane, I
watched a German comedy entitled “ Miss Sixty”. As
I write this , I recall that I did not get round to finish watching the film.
The protagonist, a successful molecular biologist is forced to retire as she
turns sixty years old. She decides to have a baby using her frozen eggs from her youth. She feels discriminated as a man of her
age would not be ridiculed if he became a father at sixty but not for a woman.
She also laments that a man could have
a career and a family while a woman cannot quite have it all.
In many ways, the society is getting
more enlightened and both men and women are working towards eradicating gender
bias. But because patriarchy has existed for so long, it takes time and
conscious effort to change certain entrenched social expectations about how
women should behave and what men
should do and want to do. I ought not have said what I said although my
intention was purely maternal. I must not assume that my daughters do not
already know what I know. I must not reinforce the presumptions and prejudices
that I might have witnessed and encountered for my generation of women so as to
give the next generation a chance to make gender equality sustainable and
thriving.
I resumed reading The Rosie
Project by
Graeme Simsion from
where I had stopped. It is hilarious and not sure why I had stopped reading it
in the first place. Perhaps the timing was not right when I started reading it.
Don Tillman, a thirty-nine year old
geneticist, devises The Wife Project with the help of his colleague at
Melbourne University, Gene and his psychologist wife, Claudia. Don meets Rosie who is appalled when she finds out that he is on a mission to find a suitable wife
with a detailed questionnaire for that purpose. Rosie responded upon hearing about the questionnaire,
“ I can
only hope that enough women realise their civic duty and take the test.”
Rosie became angry and chastised Don
for treating women as objects.
The question is : Has Don designed
the detailed questionnaire to find a woman who might accept him or to find a
woman whom he could accept? Don is socially challenged and has Asperger’s
attributes. While Rosie fails on almost every score and does not meet all
the criteria for a suitable wife,
Don gets himself involved in assisting Rosie in finding out who Rosie’s
biological father is. As Don is wired differently, he approaches the Wife
project in a methodical way. He also watches romantic movies in order to learn
about social interactive behaviour. The story is a charming one and the
fictitious character
endearing indeed.
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